How Stepmoms Should Act For Proper Wedding Etiquette

Published: 25th March 2009
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We have seen on movies and television shows, especially the soap operas, the dagger look that the biological mother and the stepmother cast at each other. And we laugh at them when they spit out their sarcastic lines, with the episode ending up in a slapping scene.

This matter is not laughable; not at all. This incident do happen in real life: biological mother or father fighting up for the first pew on the church against the stepmother or stepfather of their child or who should do the father and daughter dance.

Having a wicked stepmother for a stepmom most of the time happens only in fairy tales. In real world, stepmothers do get along with their stepdaughters and stepsons.

If you are among those brides who dearly love their stepmothers and biological mothers too but the two just can't seem to meet in the middle, don not let yourself be caught in the middle of a cat fight. There are wedding etiquette for stepmothers in case you are looking for one. Just try to know some of these wedding etiquette for stepmothers and you will be assured that you won't slight the two persons dear to your heart.

-- Wedding Etiquette for Stepmothers: Seating Arrangement

If your mother and stepmother have not spoken in ten years and seating them three seats apart can already spark a friction and eventually a heated argument, how should you seat the two of them without hurting anyone's feelings?

For a start, take the time to have a heart-to-heart talk to each of them during the planning stage of your wedding. Ask your mother to be in her best manner possible, and when you talk to your stepmother, include your father in the talk. Your stepmother might get offended if you talk to her alone about behaving herself on the wedding. She might interpret that you are lecturing her.

Although your stepmother would have probably known wedding etiquette for stepmothers, it is still for the best if you talk out to her about some of the basics. But in doing so, avoid sounding authoritative. Say that she is dear to you but wedding etiquette dictates that she should be seated in this chair or that chair or that she and your father should be seated on the next pew at the church.

is with each of them ahead of time -- perhaps include your father in the stepmother talk -- to solicit their "good behavior." If you keep saying how important it is to you that they make every effort to put animosity aside on this one special day, it's hard to imagine that they would cause any problems.

Some etiquette guidelines do exist to help you: In most cases, when the bride's parents are divorced, the parent with whom she lived after the divorce (or the one she's closer to) sits in the first pew during the ceremony. This is often, but not always, the mother, who is joined by her husband, if she is remarried, and her immediate family. Either directly behind the mother's contingent (which might fill the first two or three pews) or a few rows away, come the bride's father, stepmother, and his immediate family.

There are practical divorced-parent guidelines for the reception, too. Use assigned seating, with the tables for your mother and stepmother a safe distance apart. I'm sure that on the big day, your sensitivity will be appreciated by all.

Want to find out about dinner etiquette and wedding gift etiquette? Get tips from the Etiquette Lessons website.

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